So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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