just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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