Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
