I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
