I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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