dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
