I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
