dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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