im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
