nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Randomize
