we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
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When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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