I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
