I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
