you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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