i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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