the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
