Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
