ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
