she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
