I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
