She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
