i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
