she was so not down for the gang bang
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think your dad took our porno
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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