I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
