Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
