Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
