I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
