KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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