Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
