I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
