just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
