Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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