I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
