I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
