Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
