Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
