is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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