Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
is that a dick in a sweater?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Congratulations! We have a period
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