Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
