So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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