are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
