I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
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nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He did a backflip because drugs
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