My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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