walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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