I seem to have left my pride at pride
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
