I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
