maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
