? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
