So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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