Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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