I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
im holly from the hills drunk
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
