Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
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