I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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