I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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