I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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