Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
