Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
