I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
