Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
