Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
