can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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