if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
