Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
